My Life as a Thai Movie Star

Filming. Photos. Screaming fans. Food buffets. Barking Orders. Sometimes life is sweet when everyone loves you. But I know how it really is… the next hot young star is waiting in the shadows, ready to take me out when the opportunity is right.

The past week classes took the backseat to my stardom in the film, “S.W.P.Y.: We Are Top of the World.” Essentially the movie was new and improved version of High School Musical 3, with a little less emphasis on schoolwork and a little more emphasis on singing and dancing. I think we hit the mark in excellence, but let the critics be the real judges… and they shouted from the hilltops!!! The acting was “top notch,” “deserving of more than the four stars this critic can give,” and “only surpassed by the attractiveness of the cast.” Of course this flattery won’t seep into the flowing locks on my radiant head. I am a beacon of modesty.

In the movie, I played a dynamic character known as The White Guy. My emotional range was extensive and impressive. I clapped and swayed with glee in a giant human formation of a star. However, I was a bit put off by the surrounding candles and lit up unicyclists, as they detracted from the REAL talent. I then donned my serious face in a scene where I convincingly taught a class of eager students (some of the best acting in the film, at least by the peons) about action verbs. Afterward, I lovingly joined hands with Thai students dressed in traditional national costumes from the around the world and marched in a circle—my favorite traditional costume was the “Cinderella going to the ball” costume; I wouldn’t have wanted that country to be left out or to deal with the wrath of the Fairy Godmother. In the final scene, tears streamed down the faces of the audience as I held my hands up to the sky in an epic showing of joy and other-worldly devotion.

Although the filming and showings are finished, I expect for years to come to hear the cries of screaming fans, feeling something near religious ecstasy at my nearness. For now, readers, you must wait, stricken with anticipation, until the video hits the DVD stands. Mwah.

(This is last weekend outside Chiang Mai)