The Adventures of Wukong

My Chinese friends gave me a Chinese name, after a character in a famous Chinese story. It's Wukong, if you didn't figure that one out. He's been described as a "crazy monkey" numerous times, and he can change into 72 different things--animals, objects, etc.--although I am not sure why 72 is the number. I've managed to find an English synopsis of my character. Everyone in China to whom I tell my name laughs at it (but in a positive way). Wukong is a part of a huge Chinese epic, The Journey West, one retold long before it was ever written down. And as the story is huge, I will present to you here one brief synopsis. "What the Chinese think of me"/Wukong:

http://www.monkeykinglives.com/MonkeyKing.jpg

Birth and early life

Sun Wukong was born from a mythical stone formed from the primal forces of chaos, located on the Huāguǒ-shān (Chinese: 花果山；mountain of flowers and fruit). After joining a clan of monkeys, he earned their respect by discovering the Shuǐlián-dòng (Chinese: 水帘洞；water-curtain cave) behind a large waterfall; the clan made it their new home. The other monkeys honored him as their king, and he called himself Měi Hóuwáng (handsome monkey king). He soon realized that despite his power over the monkeys, he was not beyond mortality. Determined to find immortality, he traveled on a raft to civilized lands, where he found and became the disciple of a Buddhist/Taoist Patriarch Bodhi. He was able to acquire human speech and manners through his travels.

Bodhi was initially reluctant to take him because he was not human; but the monkey's determination and perseverance impressed the patriarch. It was from him that the monkey received his official name Sun Wukong ("Sun" implies his origin as a monkey, and "Wukong" means aware of emptiness). Soon, his eagerness and intelligence made him one of the favorite disciples of the patriarch, whose guidance and training taught the monkey a number of magic arts. He acquired the powers of shapeshifting known as the "72 transformations", supposedly the more versatile and difficult set of skills that allows him to transform into every possible form of existence, including people and objects. He also learned about cloud-traveling, including a technique called the Jīndǒuyún (cloud-somersault), which covers 108,000 li (54,000 km) in a single flip. Finally, he could transform each of the 84,000 hairs on his body into inanimate objects and living beings, or even clones of himself. Sun Wukong became proud of his abilities, and began boasting to the other disciples. Bodhi was not happy with this, and cast him out of his temple. Before they parted, Bodhi ordered that Sun Wukong promise never to tell anyone how he acquired his powers.

At Huāguǒ-shān, Sun Wukong established himself as one of the most powerful and influential demons in the world. In search of a weapon worthy of himself, Sun Wukong traveled into the oceans, where he searched for a proper weapon from the "dragon king of the eastern seas. Finding that most of the weapons owned by the dragon king were too light, he decied to acquire the Golden-banded fighting staff Ruyi Jingu Bang (also known as Lork bong Jin Jan in Khmer), which could change its size, multiply itself, and fight according to the whim of its master. It was originally used by Dà-Yǔ to measure ocean depth and later became the "Pillar that pacifies the oceans", a treasure of Ao Guang, the "dragon-king of the Eastern Seas". It weighed 13,500 jin (8.1 tons). Upon Sun Wukong's approach, the pillar started to glow, signifying that it had found its true master. Its versatility meant that Sun Wukong could wield it as a staff and keep it inside his ear as a sewing needle. This drove fear into the magical beings of the sea and threw the sea itself into confusion, since nothing but the pillar could control the ebb and flow of the ocean's tides. In addition to taking the magical staff, Wukong also defeated the dragons of the four seas in battle and forced them to give him golden chain mail (鎖子黃金甲), a phoenix-feather cap (鳳翅紫金冠 Fèngchìzǐjinguān), and cloud-walking boots (藕絲步雲履 Ǒusībùyúnlǚ). Sun Wukong then defied Hell's attempt to collect his soul. Instead of reincarnating like all other living beings, he wiped his name out of the "Book of Life and Death" and with it the names of all other monkeys known to him. The Dragon Kings and the Kings of Hell then decided to report him to the Jade Emperor of Heaven.

Havoc in the Heavenly Kingdom

Hoping that a promotion and a rank amongst the gods would make him more manageable, the Jade Emperor invited Sun Wukong to Heaven, where the monkey believed he would receive an honorable place as one of the gods. Instead, he was made the Protector of the Horses to watch over the stables, which was the lowest job in heaven. When he discovered this, Sun Wukong rebelled and proclaimed himself the "Great Sage, Equal of Heaven", and allied with some of the most powerful demons on earth. The Heavens' initial attempt at subduing the Monkey King was unsuccessful, and they were forced to recognize his title; however, they tried again to put him off as the guardian of Heavenly Garden. When he found that he was excluded from a royal banquet that included every other important god and goddess, Sun Wukong's indignation again turned to open defiance. After stealing Xi Wangmu's "peaches of immortality", Lao Tzu's "pills of longevity", and the Jade Emperor's royal wine, he escaped back to his kingdom in preparation for his rebellion.

Sun Wukong later defeated the Army of Heaven's 100,000 celestial warriors - each fight an equivalent of a cosmic embodiment, including all 28 constellations, four heavenly kings, and Nezha - and proved himself equal to the best of Heaven's generals, Erlang Shen. Eventually, through the teamwork of Taoist and Buddhist forces, including the efforts from some of the greatest deities, Sun Wukong was captured. After several failed attempts at execution, Sun Wukong was locked into Lao Tzu's eight-way trigram cauldron to be distilled into an elixir by the most sacred and the most severe samadhi fires. After 49 days, the cauldron was opened and Sun Wukong jumped out, stronger than ever. He now had the ability to recognize evil in any form through his huǒyǎn-jīnjīng (火眼金睛) (lit. "fiery-eyes golden-gaze"), an eye condition that also gave him a weakness to smoke.

Imprisonment

With all of their options exhausted, the Jade Emperor and the authorities of Heaven appealed to the Buddha, who arrived from his temple in the West. The Buddha made a bet with Sun Wukong that he (Sun Wukong) could not escape from his (Buddha's) palm. Sun Wukong, knowing that he could cover 108,000 li in one leap, smugly agreed. He took a great leap and then flew to the end of the world in seconds. Nothing was visible except for five pillars, and Wukong surmised that he had reached the ends of Heaven. To prove his trail, he marked the pillars with a phrase declaring himself "the great sage equal to heaven" (and in other versions, urinated on the pillar he signed on). Afterward, he leaped back and landed in the Buddha's palm. There, he was surprised to find that the five "pillars" he had found were in fact the five fingers of the Buddha's hand. When Wukong tried to escape, the Buddha turned his hand into a mountain. Before Wukong could shrug it off, the Buddha sealed him there using a paper talisman on which was written the mantra Om Mani Padme Hum in gold letters, wherein Sun Wukong remained imprisoned for five centuries.[1]

Disciple to Xuanzang

Five centuries later, the Bodhisattva Guanyin went out in search for disciples that could protect a pilgrim from the East to journey to India to retrieve the Buddhist sutras. In hearing this, Sun Wukong offered to serve this pilgrim, by name Xuanzang, a monk of the Tang Dynasty Empire, in exchange for his freedom. Guanyin understood that the monkey would be hard to control, and therefore gave Xuanzang a gift from the Buddha: a magical headband which, once Sun Wukong was tricked into putting it on, could never be removed. With a special chant, the band would tighten and cause unbearable pain to the monkey's head. To be fair, she also gave Sun Wukong three special hairs, which could be used in dire emergencies. Under Xuanzang's supervision, Sun Wukong was allowed to journey to the West.

Throughout the epic Journey to the West, Sun Wukong faithfully helped Xuanzang on his journey to India. They were joined by "Pigsy" (猪八戒 Zhu Bajie) and "Sandy" (沙悟浄 Sha Wujing), both of whom offered to accompany the priest in order to atone for their previous crimes. It was later revealed that the priest's horse was in fact a dragon prince. Xuanzang's safety was constantly under threat from demons and other supernatural beings who believed that his flesh, once consumed, would bring them longevity, as well as bandits, wherefore Sun Wukong often acted as his bodyguard and given free access to the powers of Heaven to combat these threats. The group encountered a series of eighty-one tribulations before accomplishing their mission and returning safely to China. There, Sun Wukong was granted Buddhahood for his service and strength.

The previous was taken from the Wukong Wikipedia post--2010-05-08.

Mushroom Houses and Dancing Little People

I preface this post by saying that the information which follows may be wrong, as it was told to me by a fellow Tall Person, but I do believe it to be true.

A strange first China post... yes. But did you know that some business man had the brilliant idea to get a bunch of Little People (LPs) together and make a village for them? And did you know that he built for them amazing little mushroom houses that they could live in? AND did you know that when you visit this mushroom village you can watch the LPs in costume sing and dance for you? It's AMAZING.

Okay, truthfully, I didn't go to this village. But it does exist outside a nice little city called Kunming in Yunnan province. It was created to be a sort of Disneyland-esque attraction, and in the fashion of a Disney production, the Little People aren't really allowed to leave, or at least not often. But before you start calling the discrimination police, hear me out. It turns out the LPs don't have to sing and dance, if they don't want to. Many of them work in the village restaurants, making food or waiting tables, or perhaps they are put in Tone Deaf Dungeon. Truly, I have to think that they are strongly encouraged to hum a little tune and tap a foot when they go about their business. What would be the point of a singing and dancing Little People vilage if they did not? I heard that they are compensated very well, by both the wages paid by their "owners"--the businessman and his friends--and by the visitors to their village. In addition to monetary benefits, there must be some mental gains from living in this sort of village. If you think about it, it might be nice to live in a place surrounded by people who share a similar phenotype. A child at the school would laugh at you for your pepperoni face and not your stature or your pene pequeno.

Seriously. Mushroom houses.

I have also heard tell of a little (heh heh) feud with a neighboring village, one where Tall People live. I can only imagine how this fight began. Maybe one of the Talls poked one of the Littles just a few too many times. Or maybe one of the Talls talked badly about the Littles' king (getting to this). Or maybe the TPs came and tickled the LPs with feathers while sitting on them. Whatever the cause, anamosity rages between the villages. It is rumored that the little people are ferocious. I am really not calling them animals here, but all I can think of is the small dog syndrome and of Mini Me from Austin Powers.

There exists a social hierarchy in the village, and the Little People have a king. I am not sure what kind of power the king actually holds. He may be able to wage wars with the neighboring realms, or he may be glutton who has his people build large (hahaha) statures of him around the village. What I do know is his Highness (...) is selected because he is the shortest person in the village. Of how this whole social structure was established I am not sure. He may be the result of divine intervention, or he may just have been selected by the businessman, apparently wise beyond comprehension.

To me, this village is the highlight of China, representing China's new ingenuity and care for social welfare. I deem it a must see, though I myself didn't get a chance to see it.

Profile of an Indian Man, Age 20-26 (part 1)

This is a generalization about Indian guys gathered from first-hand experience and the stories of other travelers in India. It is meant as a humorous examination of similar aged men from another culture.



Who is he:

• Usually clean cut
• Height around 5' 10"
• Typically still in school, studying law with a business focus or going for an MBA
• Likes to party -- drinks liquor like a champ and smokes hashish like he grows the shit
• Hates to party -- it's below him and his "caste" (although no Indian will admit that caste system still exists in its own way)
• Very forward -- gets to the points, asks pertinent questions, says what's on his mind
• Understands the guest-host relationship a little too well
• Seems to be entering puberty, mentally, though he is physically an adult

Interests:

• Hookers, and their cost -- Westerners, he rationalizes, only have sex because they can pay for it, as that is the only way. I was asked more than once, "How much do hookers cost?" "Five-fifty, fool! And if yer lucky, four!"
• Cricket -- there is no game which can match its importance
• Blow jobs -- "Do westerners really give blow jobs?" This came up every time the conversation had time to move toward sexuality. Indian guys are amazed by/salivate over the exotic oral encounter. They even count "suck" on the same plane of profane as "fuck" and "bitch"
• Your comfort -- you as a guest cannot be comfortable enough; there is no way. Indian men will pester you until you are paranoid of seeming uncomfortable
• Denial of the caste system -- "It has been abolished!" "...But why can't you marry that girl who you think is pretty and nice?" "Well, because she is in a lower caste, of course"
• Marriage and what "Life is all about" -- "Life is all about" the sex you can have when you are married, as was made clear by many
• Being a puppy! Well, they sometimes act like puppies. They were often seen squirming around, cuddling, and acting fidgety.
• Enrique Iglesias -- You cannot fathom their love for this man. He. Is. God.

Hey Brother!

It's your birthday! Happy Birthday!
(I don't think he even reads this...)

For those of you who do, Happy Cinco de Mayo! Go drink tequila, party, have fun, and wear a sombrero in my honor. China is great, by the way. Still having a super good time--here's to hoping that's true. I'll be on a plane in three days. I leave Shanghai May 8 at 4:10 pm and I will arrive in Chicago May 8 at 4:40 pm. Half hour flight! Woot.

Man behind the Bookcase

As a foreign teacher, your complete and utter lack of control over the foreign language speaking children becomes in-your-face apparent at times. In Mathayom One EP (US grade seven), whose constituents are very small, barely pubescent children, this issue became very clear to me.

For the first few weeks of class, I only saw the fat kid once. He really was the fat kid; he could easily rival the obese children in any US school. He had a very pleasant look to him, though, always happy and lacking the fat rolls which often plague those kids. I called his name at attendance every period, but rarely would he answer the call. As I became more comfortable with the class, remembering faces and names to a certain degree, I began to question where the fat kid was (his name was Man). A week before, I had seen him laying on the floor, when I had asked him to get up and to do his work. He responded with a grunt, and he sort of rolled a little bit on the ground like a helpless turtle on its back. I gave up as he gave no indication of standing up. On other occasions, I would ask his fellow students, "Where is Man?" They would always respond with a point and "Sleeping," "Nawn," "Lazy" and the like. Where they pointed turned out to be a curious little spot. He had created a fort in the classroom, behind the bookcase. In his den were numerous pillows, a shade for the sun, and wrappers of numerous, different (I hope) snacking sessions.

One of the funnier moments with Man was experienced by the Science Teacher, Foua. She refused to let him sleep one day, poking him into consciousness and making him participate in the science experiment. So he followed her around the room. At each station, he would groan and collapse onto the floor, half-listening to the demonstration. Upon completing a station, Foua would force him again to get up, groaning all the while, and move to the next desk, where he would be on the floor again in a matter of seconds. The other kids just stood around him, like normal children.

Behind the bookcase, his favorite classroom spot did not vary, and in every class, I knew where to find him. I would always try to coax him out with candy or other goodies. Sometimes it worked, but most of the time he just slept through the period. I began asking around. Other teachers seemed to have the same problem. Man was always asleep behind the bookcase. He never completed work. He only came out to eat or go to the bathroom. Occasionally he would talk and play games with the other kids, but his dominant position was horizontal on the floor with his eyes closed. My fellow teachers and I, hoping that the Thais might have more influence, collectively informed the administration, who did nothing to change his behavior. On and on this went throughout the semester.

I am beginning to wonder if he has a Thyroid problem.